underground2012 already

Heavens above,  already the middle of January and so much work to do, though I do wish a happy and prosperous New Year to all our readers from all at House Zaus.  We had a very pleasant holiday but now all decorations are down, mince pies eaten and the serious work of cataloguing, researching and recording begins.  We hope to bring you more images from the Zaus archives, more findings from across the Zaus Empire and more questions than we can answer at present, including: Who was Gilgamesh, and did he really have a pair of moleskin slippers with peacock feather lining?  Has Ragnarök already occurred and will it happen again?  Just what was that egg shaped object hovering over Liverpool in 1942?  And most interestingly, The Zaus Metro, a vast underground, continent crossing system that puts the London, Moscow and Paris systems to shame.

We hope, dear reader, you will continue on our journey with us, and may your eyes be opened and your brain be tickled and teased with what we have to offer.  Some say 2012 will bring the end of the world, we here at House Zaus say… in the words of the song… it’s only just begun.

~Mox Nox In Rem~

Posted in Addendum

closed_signHoliday Opening Hours

House Zaus is now closed for the duration of 2011.

We will open again in 2012… sometime in January.

A very Merry Christmas and a peaceful and prosperous New Year to you all.

Best Wishes from The Cleric and the rest of the staff.

Posted in Historical Notes

odinHo Ho… oh!

The festive season has now taken a tentative grasp of House Zaus, and myself and the other minions are looking forward to our time off.  Young Master Morris has allowed us from 8pm Christmas Eve until 8am Boxing Day as time for rest and reflection.  We’ve even been allowed crackers for our Christmas lunch celebrations.  The 20 foot tall tree has finally arrived from Norway and looks delightful in the Great Hall.  The only problem is it came with a couple of birds nests, complete with birds and they’ve made a hell of a mess of the curtains. …continue reading Ho Ho… oh!

Posted in Historical Notes, The New Guard

JapanNo Dazzles for the Orient

It has come to our attention that the Dazzlers concert at Nippon Budokan will no longer be taking place.  Surprisingly, this is not the fault of the venue.  Bless them, they had managed to get everything on the rider list (including Lee Van Cleef and assorted biscuits), except the large tapestry cushion depicting the Battle of Trafalgar.  They had a medium sized cushion and were willing to have another made if it wasn’t to Morris’s specifications.  Morris however was greatly displeased and spat his proverbial dummy out.  We are grateful to Nippon Budokan for even entertaining the idea and are sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Morris is now in conference with several venues in Finland, Sweden and Iceland.  Watch this space.

Posted in The New Guard

Van-CleefRiders on the storm

I have been asked by the curious and nosy alike, what does Morris have on his rider when performing with the Dazzlers?  A reasonably comprehensive list has been drawn up from previous tours, though this is subject to change on a whim and the heavens help the poor roadie who does not perform to the high Zaus standards.  One poor chap in Belgium several years ago was berated mercilessly for not being able to find a 17th century miniature harpsichord at an hours notice.

Here then, is that list.  Prepare to be bemused…

  • Every room to be decorated in the style of a 1950′s French  Jazz café (woe betide you get it wrong).
  • A flower decorated palanquin for Morris to be carried about on and four eunuchs (oiled and wearing loin cloths) to carry it.
  • The complete works of Catherine Cookson.
  • One sumo wrestler.
  • Three bottles each of rhubarb juice/prune juice/Bombay gin/milk of magnesia.

…continue reading Riders on the storm

Posted in The New Guard

vikingNordic Dazzlers

Work, research and all things sensible have been on hold at House Zaus during the month of November.  We have been eagerly awaiting the arrival of ‘Skyrim’. A ‘computer’ game of note and worth.  This arrived a week or so ago and Morris very kindly gave us a few days off to play.  He was so impressed he requisitioned a complete suit of Viking armour to be made for himself and a full size replica longboat for him to play with on the lake.  The swans are not happy.

However, with much mirth and joy comes sorrow and disappointment.  We have been informed that two of the venues pencilled in for the Dazzlers comeback tour have pulled out.  Ludlow Arts Centre and High Wycome Recreational Arena have cancelled their dates after hearing reports of previous Dazzler tours and the mayhem and destruction Morris can cause when his rider isn’t to his specific standard.  Puffin eggs, rhubarb juice, the complete works of Catherine Cookson and pickled walnuts are not always easy to find in Staines on a Saturday night.

So far, Budokan has neither confirmed nor denied tentative dates, so watch this space.


Posted in Addendum, The New Guard

LampPostDid you also know…?

… that Narnia really does exist and can be accessed from various portals across the globe?  Warren was, and still is, a frequent visitor, generally advising Aslan on the various happening of this and other universes and fighting off the attentions of Jadis, the White Witch, ‘She’s bloody insufferable’ he once commented, ‘I’ll never take her a box of Turkish Delight again’.

Morris has only visited once and has been banned.  Mr Tumnus has never, and will never, be the same again.  He also had a run in with Father Christmas, but that’s another story.  He is often heard banging on the wardrobe door in the middle of the night shouting ‘Let me in you ba****ds’, which is distressing for us at House Zaus as we can’t sleep because of the racket.

Warren also visited Oz on a number of occasions, but didn’t like it.  He found the Munchkins rather disturbing.

Well, wouldn’t you?

Posted in Addendum

ChaChaChaStrictly Ballroom in Belarus

Several months ago, Morris was invited to participate in the Belarusian version of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’.  Apparently, one of their regular professionals had to drop out due to a severe toe injury and was therefore unable to rumba, cha cha cha and flamenco like the rest of them.  His partner was to be Judith Chalmers, she of the original ‘Come Dancing’ and later ‘Holiday’ fame.

As Morris has recently had a small dance studio added to House Zaus, Judith was invited to take all her rehearsal classes there (though she was blindfolded on each of her visits so she wouldn’t be able to find the house again).  Morris himself was very excited about the prospect and purchased several new pairs of shoes and the sequin count went through the roof.

…continue reading Strictly Ballroom in Belarus

Posted in The New Guard

Humphrey-BogartA New Season

Greetings, once again, regular subscriber.  Here we are, all back at House Zaus.  Holidays a distant memory, law suits dealt with, curtains vacuumed and kitchen cupboards emptied for the local harvest festival.  Autumn is approaching and the serious work of cataloguing the collection begins anew.

I have much data to sift through and forthcoming articles will shed light on ‘The Egg’ phenomenon, Saintly sightings in the Bavarian hinterlands and…just what is that peculiar smell emanating from the library on the fourth floor, east wing of the Zaus Manse Summer Retreat?

In the words of Sam Spade, it’s ‘The stuff that dreams are made of’.

Posted in Addendum, The Collection

question_markDid you know…?

… that Warren Zaus has the largest collection of ornamental thimbles in the world?  A room at Zaus House is dedicated to them and the numbers run into the tens of thousands.  His particular favourite is one he bought on a day trip to Betwys y Coed in North Wales.  It is white china and has a picture of Bruce Lee on it.

Did you know he also discovered zinc?  It was in a small tupperware box at the back of his larder.

His nephew however has invented the best recipe for scotch eggs…ever!  The problem is he won’t have them with a nice salad and chips, he prefers to use them as ornamentation for his cocktails.

Morris also has a tricycle named ‘Persephone’.  The tricycle itself has been used in a number of feature films, including ‘The Omen’ and ‘The Shining’.

Finally, in this small section of titbits, Warren wrote the theme tune to the popular, late twentieth century quiz show ‘Blankety Blank’.

Posted in Addendum